My Favorite Time of the Year

Everyone always tells me that Christmas is their favorite time of the year. It's that time of the year they get to see family members they haven't talked to in a while, they get gifts from said people, and they get to give gifts to people and bring joy and happiness to others. BLAH! In my family, someone always got into a fight with someone else during Christmas. There was no joy and happiness. There was bickering and fighting though. No, my favorite time of the year is Thanksgiving. The holiday where everyone is to stuffed and tired to fight.

There are two big reasons Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year. One reason is pretty obvious (FOOD!) and one is not. Anytime I get to cook, it's a good day. Anytime I get to eat what I cooked, it's a great day. Anytime that cooked food is turkey, I'm ecstatic! I make the best turkey I've ever had... and I've had a few. I could eat turkey year around. In fact, it kinda makes me mad more people don't. Most Americans only eat turkey, a roasted turkey... not lunch meat, once a year. Turkey is better than chicken, in my opinion. I've never deep-fried a turkey before, but I'm gonna try that some year too. I always think I might, then I think about those retards that burn down their homes because they fill the fryer to the top with oil. Displacement, people! And any meal that includes mashed potatoes and gravy is awesome! And the Hawaiian rolls.... Excuse me while I salivate. I only buy Hawaiian rolls at Thanksgiving and Christmas because they are kinda pricey compared to regular dinner rolls... but they are good! If you have never had Hawaiian rolls, try them. I don't know what it is about them... but they are yummy! And dessert: pumpkin pie, pineapple upside-down cake, whatever kinds of cookies I feel like making, cheesecake. It's all better than candy canes!

The other reason I love Thanksgiving is kind of sick and twisted. It means Black Friday is coming! I'm sure many of you are wondering why I, a nearly 30 year old man, would ever want to go shopping on Black Friday... Well see, there's where you messed up. I don't go to shop. I go to see humanity break down and begin to de-evolve into a flat-footed, club-carrying, munch of neanderthals as they fight over the last Tickle Me Elmo! That's right... I go to see old ladies fight each other! Me liking Black Friday kinda makes sense now, huh? Stores do not help the situation of these psychotic people acting like complete animals either. When I worked in a certain store that shall not be named (It's got a big bullseye as a sign!), I worked up front by the doors. As people were waiting out in the half-rain half-snow, they actually buffed the floors to make them even more slippery! Really? Sure enough, when the horde came through the doors, half of them slipped and fell down as the other half trampled them. Of course if the neanderthals would have acted like actual people... no one would've got hurt to begin with, I guess. People are hilarious on Black Friday. They stand outside in lines for hours, stampede into stores, then either don't find what they are looking for, or fight over the last one with a 92 year old lady with a cane. Or they go to the mall, which I will NEVER understand! The mall is, by far, the most expensive place to shop in the world! People, stop shopping at the mall. Malls are places for pre-teens to go and congregate and shoot each other over turf wars. They aren't for shopping anymore. This is NOT the 80's. Anyone over the age of 26 does not belong in a mall anymore. Sorry.  It's also funny to watch really old people in Best Buy or some other electronic store on Black Friday. They have NO IDEA what they are doing in there. All they know is that their grandchildren want a copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops II and they will beat up anyone that gets in there way. By the way, people with canes always win Black Friday fights.. they have reach. They haven't got a clue what any of that "Call of Duty: Black Ops II" means, but they heard Best Buy has it on sale Friday for $46 (which is only $3 less than what you could get it for online). Which brings me to my final thought, if you're like me and wanna watch people beat each other up for a pair of $200 shoes that are on sale for $132, go out this Black Friday and have fun. If you actually want to shop and save money this Black Friday, GO ON THE INTERNET AND SHOP! Things are so much cheaper online all the time, but especially on Black Friday. And place usually have free shipping on Black Friday. You don't have to get up at 2AM and fight crowds anymore. You're welcome.